Tangled Strands
by Passionate Cec
Summary: The pain that gripped her heart was sudden and violent. The memory had hit her like a ton of bricks and had been more vivid than most of the memories of her daughter. Mild spoilers for Carentan.


Hey there.

This is a little fic I thought of atfer watching Carentan and thinking that Helen looked particularly good with a braid. There are spoilers for this episode but they are pretty mild.

I'd love to know what you think about this story. Reviews always make me happy. :D

Sanctuary and its characters don't belong to me. No copyright infringement intended.

Enjoy. :)

**Tangled Strands**

Helen sat down on her bed in the small room she had been provided in Ravi's house. There wasn't much in the room but for the twin bed, the small desk in the corner and the closet. There was a sink next to the window, behind the door. There was still evidence that Ravi's daughter had occupied the room for the best part of the two previous decades. Will occupied the room across the hall. It was somewhat bigger but the window was ridiculously small and she had felt as if she were suffocating when she had stepped inside on their first day in the time bubble.

She looked up from her hands and at her reflection in the mirror across from her. Another place where people she loved would age and die and she would come out unchanged save for the scars that Ravi and Will's eventual death would leave on her heart if she did not manage to get them out. She took a deep breath and lifted the hair brush to her hair. She had found it in a drawer in the desk. It had no doubt belonged to Ravi's daughter and, once Anna had confirmed she didn't mind her using it, she had dusted it off and pulled out the last few remaining hairs before claiming it as her own for the duration of her stay in Carentan.

Once she had untangled her hair, she worked on pulling it back into a braid and was suddenly hit by a vivid memory.

'_Mummy, mummy,' Ashley exclaimed, running into Helen's room one Sunday morning, 'can you braid my hair?' The six year old asked. _

_Helen quickly slipped her shirt over her head, noticing that her daughter had forgotten to close the door behind her. She was not too fond of the idea of Barney or her Sasquatch friend seeing her in nothing but jeans and a lacy black bra. She looked down at Ashley and smiled. _

'_Of course. Come over here,' she instructed, sitting down on her bed, her knees parted. _

_The girl walked over and stood between Helen's legs, handing her the small hair brush as Helen grabbed one of the many coloured hair bands from her nightstand. She slipped the brush through the thin blonde hair. And, just like every other time she sat on her bed, combing or brushing her daughter's hair, she considered going back to being a blonde. But she couldn't. As much as she would like looking just like her daughter, blonde was far too light for her. Besides, it reminded her of far too dark times that she would rather leave behind._

_She shook the thought away, focusing on Ashley. _

'_Would you like to get some ice cream, this afternoon, darling?' She asked as she laid the brush aside. It was an idiotic question really. What six year old did not want ice cream? But she asked it anyway if only to hear the joy and happiness in her daughter's voice as she squealed. 'Ashley, stay still,' she advised, laughing as the girl jumped up and down in excitement at the prospect of ice cream. _

_As usual, Ashley started squirming pretty quickly while Helen tried to make the braid look as good as possible despite her moving around so much. Eventually, she tied the hair band and leaned forward to kiss Ashley's cheek, her arms circling the girl's chest to keep her from escaping before starting to tickled her tummy, delighted when Ashley broke into the expected fit of giggles, interrupted every now and then by the usual 'mummy, let me go' or 'mummy, stop it' which only made Helen tickle her some more. _

_When she finally let her go, Ashley simply turned around with a bright, slightly toothless grin and Helen laughed at the sight. Ashley's two front teeth had fallen out – she had tugged them out – less than a week ago and she loved to show off her new grin and slip the straw in the gap when she drank her hot cocoa for breakfast. Her daughter lifted a hand to finger a dark strand that was hanging off along the side of Helen's face._

'_Mummy, can I braid your hair too?' She asked._

'_You know how to do braids?' Ashley nodded energetically. 'Alright then, why not?' _

_She let Ashley onto the bed and stood up, playfully standing right in front of the girl. What she had not expected was that her daughter would simply stand up on the bed and jump onto her back, her thin arms slipping around Helen's neck as her legs circled her waist. She let out a surprised shriek before her hands moved to hold onto her thighs. When she had ascertained that Ashley wouldn't slip down, she moved a hand to the arms around her neck, loosening their hold until she could breathe again. _

_Helen stepped back until her shins touched the bed before attacking. She grabbed her daughter's hands and moved them to her mouth until she was playfully biting the fingers of her right hand, wincing at the ear piercing shriek her daughter let out. Right next to her ear. When she had established that Ashley's arms weren't holding onto her anymore, she followed through with the second part of her plan, her hands quickly moving back to tickle Ashley's sides. The effect was immediate and the small weight dropped off her back, landing on the mattress with a soft thud and an amused giggle. Helen turned back around and grinned at the child._

'_Cheeky monkey,' she whispered as she leaned down to kiss Ashley's cheek. 'This is not how you braid someone's hair.' She kissed the girl's nose and turned around, kneeling on the ground with her back to the bed. Helen felt her daughter sit down behind her, one leg hanging off each side of her body and felt her small fingers work through her locks to start braiding her hair._

'_Mummy, your hair is soft,' she noted._

'_It is, isn't it? But it's not as soft as yours.'_

'_Why is your hair brown and mine blonde?'_

'_That's because I colour it. If I didn't, my hair would be blonde too.'_

'_Why do you colour it?'_

'_Because I wanted a change,' she simply stated._

'_Can I colour my hair brown too?' Helen almost burst out laughing._

'_Not for now, darling. Maybe when you're a little older if you really want to.' That seemed to be enough and Ashley moved on to babbling about Henry – who was no doubt tinkering with her computer again. _

'_Mummy, I'm done!' Ashley exclaimed and Helen handed her the hair band she had been holding._

'_Thank you, darling,' she whispered, turning around to kiss Ashley's cheek again. _

_She stood up and looked at her daughter's work in the mirror. As expected, it was mostly a mess but Helen decided not to comment on that. She would redo the braid herself once her daughter left so she could face the world without looking like she had the most unflattering case of bed-head Earth had ever seen. And that way, when Ashley saw the braid again, she would be proud of her job. _

_Helen turned around when she saw her daughter's reflection approaching her from behind and picked her up, carrying her on her hip. She pressed her cheek against Ashley's and they both looked at themselves in the mirror for a while. _

'_Mummy, you have pretty eyes.'_

'_So do you, Ashley.'_

'_We have the same eyes.' Helen laughed and nodded before turning to kiss Ashley's cheek, her lips lingering against the soft and delicate skin._

'_I love you so much, Ashley,' she whispered, her eyes closing briefly. _

'_I love you too, mummy.' _

'Oh, God,' Helen gasped, dropping the hair brush which landed on the bedroom floor with a loud thud.

The pain that gripped her heart was sudden and violent. The memory had hit her like a ton of bricks and had been more vivid than most of the memories of her daughter. She let go of the hair that she had pulled back and started to braid, feeling the strands caressing her neck, cheeks and jaw as her hand moved to cup her mouth. Two tears slipped down her cheek and she barely managed to hold back an unexpected sob. She closed her eyes tightly and gripped her jaw so hard she suspected her knuckles were white and her face red from the imprints of her fingers.

She sat like that for a long time, one arm curled around her front in a desperate attempt to comfort herself, her other hand preventing any possible sob that would pass her lips to make it out into the world. When she finally looked back up, her eyes were red and slightly puffy and she felt raw, as if her heart and soul had been scratched with sand paper.

It was the first time she wore a braid since her daughter had died and the thought had been so much more painful than she had expected. It shouldn't have hurt so much but she desperately needed to get out. To get away from the accusing glares from almost every single villager, to get away from the pain in Will and Ravi's eyes every time they remembered they could die before the fight was over and she would live on. She desperately needed to get back to familiar settings, to her home where the pain of the loss would be less poignant than in a village thousands of miles and hundreds of years from her home, in a small, dark and scarcely decorated room that had never become hers.

Helen squared her shoulders, looking her own reflection in the eyes as if daring the woman across from her to break down again, begging her to hold on and be strong. Once she was certain her memories and feelings were sufficiently in check, she lifted her hands and braided her hair, looking straight ahead into her own eyes as if reminding herself where she was would remind her that she should not expect her six year old child to come running through the door, smothering her in hugs and kisses.

When she was done, she shot her reflection one last look, making sure that she was not going to break down again, before standing up. She walked over to the small sink and splashed her face with water, drying it off with a make do towel which she had left neatly folded on the window still. She opened the door and stepped out of her room, knowing Will would be waiting for her downstairs, surprised by how long it had taken her to get ready.

The hair brush lay forgotten on the floor, never to be picked up again.


End file.
